


*drunk voice* STOP I have a boyfriend

by Space_Weeb



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Inspired By Tumblr, M/M, Oh god, crackish work, inspired by voltron-messenger, they're all of age it's cool, what am I doing with my life, what am i going to tell my kids, what if my kids find this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 22:32:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10371201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_Weeb/pseuds/Space_Weeb
Summary: Lance gets white girl wasted.





	

“Keith! Come watch me kick Pidge’s ass!” Lance shot his boyfriend an earnest smile. Keith sighed and just shook his head. “She’s tiny! How many jello shots can she take?”

It was well over ten as Lance was soon to find out. But, how was he to know? The scrawny twenty-one year old didn’t look like she could lift a small goat, which she did at Shiro and Allura’s wedding reception. But that was beside the point. 

“Lance, are you fucking kidding me?” Keith groaned at the sight of Lance on the floor after doing eight consecutive strawberry vodka jello shots. “I am not making you coffee in the morning. This hangover is on you.” The man-child on the ground giggled and made grabby hands at the air.

“Keef… Keef, my man, my bro, are you seeing this?” His words were slurred as he pet the floating colorful lions dancing in the space above his head. 

“Seeing what?”

Lance looked baffled, how was he not seeing these magical creatures? They were right there! “You’re fuckin’ with me, right?” He turned to Keith half-heartedly and utterly confused. “The lions! There’s a red one, pretty kitty, and a blue one, awesome kitty, and a green one, chatty kitty, and a yellow one, cuddly kitty, and a giant black lion! I think he’s the leader, I don’t know.” Lance gasped and sat upright suddenly. “Keith. The black one just said ‘I’ll form the head.’ in Shiro’s voice. What the fuck does that even mean? Keith, babe, you listenin’? We gotta ask Shiro what that means. Holy shit there’s a castle now.” Lance looked absolutely starstruck, Keith on the other hand was muffling undesired chuckles with one hand as he supported himself on the counter next to him.

“Told you I could do it.” Pidge exited the bathroom wobbling, hair sticking out in places that shouldn’t even be possible, even with intense amounts of hair gel.

“I didn’t doubt you.” Keith muttered, regaining his posture. “He, however, apparently did. Wanna help me get him to the car? I don’t think he can move.” Keith nudged Lance with his foot which received a grunt and then grabby hands at his pants. Something along the lines of ‘they’re on your legsssssss’ came out of the wasted boy’s mouth, Keith sighed again and turned back to Pidge who had passed the hell out on the previously mentioned counter. He didn’t think Hunk’s birthday party would get this crazy, then again, Lance had a knack for making those kinds of things happen. “And you’re out, great, fantastic.” He managed a sarcastic fist bump in the air before leaving the kitchen to find other assistance.

Not long after he spotted Hunk among the crowd, “Hunk!” He called out to his close friend. “I need help taking Lance’s wasted ass to the car, mind lending a hand?” 

“Awww, of course I will. Lead the way.” Hunk’s smile was as genuine as always. Keith motioned to the kitchen and made his way back.

And there Lance was still on the floor except now he was surrounded by three more shot glasses, “I can’t leave you alone for one fucking second, can I?” He groaned and lightly smacked himself in the face. Lance managed to shake his head before passing out, one of the shot glasses rolling off his stomach and onto the floor.

**_~~~_ **

Lance woke up with a giant headache in his and Keith’s shared bed. The smell of pancakes and toast came from down the hall, a hot cup of coffee next to him on the night stand. Immediately after taking his surroundings his first thought was,  _ what happened to my boyfriend, and who is in my kitchen? _ Panic came first, someone had broken into their home and was making, sniff sniff, blueberry pancakes?? Then hunger, because those pancakes smelled better than freshly made donuts at two a.m., and that was hard to beat. Then curiosity, who made pancakes at eleven in the morning on a Monday??? And then the smell was coming his way, he sat up and took a drink of the piping hot coffee next to him, waking him up even if it was just a little. 

“Lance, you up?” Keith’s voice came from the same direction as the pancake smell. 

“Intruder! What have you done with Keith and how did you steal his voice? Ursula is that you? Oh my God, am I Eric?” Lance spoke in response to his “supposed” boyfriend.

“Are you still drunk?” Keith appeared in Lance’s line of vision with two plates of food. “Did you not have the coffee yet?” Keith’s eyebrow shot up and a small grin found it’s way onto his face.

“Keith, if that is really  _ you _ , where did I take you on our first date?” 

“You took me to the ocean when you knew very well that I couldn’t swim.” 

“Fair enough.” Lance nodded slowly, “Excuse me, real quick.” 

And like that Lance was off the bed into the bathroom. Immediately he grabbed his phone off the sink counter and messaged Hunk.

 

**_hunk buddy youve gotta help me_ **

 

**_> What’s wrong??_ **

 

**_well i know that party got pretty crazy last night but i don’t really remember anything… and now keith is being super SUPER nice to me_ **

 

**_> Isn’t that a good thing?_ **

 

**_well yeah… but idk why_ **

 

**_> Well I’ll fill you in… I  guess when you guys got home last night, he tried to change you into your pajamas and you were like “STOP I have a boyfriend”_ **

 

**_damn i’m smooth even when practically UNCONSCIOUS_ **

Lance felt himself smile as he exited the bathroom and planted a kiss on his boyfriend’s lips. “We’re a good team.”

**Author's Note:**

> From [this](https://voltron-messenger.tumblr.com/post/158562592830/voltron-messenger-lance-may-be-a-dork-sometimes) post


End file.
